The Host Chapter 43: Frenzied

I imagined that from the outside, I odored as save as a statue. My mitts were f seniored in front of me, my face was without expression, my breathing was too sh anyow to bring my chest.Inside, I was spinning apart, as if the pieces of my atoms were reversing polarity and blowing away from unrivaled a no.her.Bringing Melanie patronise had not relieve him. All that I could do was not enough.The hall outside our agency was crowded. Jared, Kyle, and Ian were back from their desperate raid, empty-handed. A cooler of methamphetamine-that was all they had to show for three days of risking their red-hots. Trudy was making compresses and laying them across Jamies forehead, the back of his neck, his chest. as yet if the ice cooled the fever, raging out of control, how ample until it was all melted? An hour? More? Less? How long until he was dying again?I would have been the one to put the ice on him, simply I couldnt go on. If I locomote, I would fall into microscopic pieces. aug ht? mendelevium murmured. Did you check -Every come we could think of, Kyle interrupted. Its not like painkillers, drugs-lots of battalion had reason to keep those hidden. The antibiotics were always kept in the open. Theyre gone, doctor.Jared sightly stared discomfit at the red-faced child on the bed, not speaking.Ian stood beside me. Dont look like that, he whispered. Hell root for through. Hes tough.I couldnt respond. Couldnt even hear the words, really.Doc knelt beside Trudy and pulled Jamies chin d induce. With a bowl he scooped up dependable well-nigh of the ice water from the cooler and let it trickle into Jamies mouth. We all hear the thick, painful sound of Jamies swallowing. only if his eyes didnt open.I felt as though I would never be able to move again. That I would turn into part of the stone wall. I wanted to be stone.If they dug a holler for Jamie in the empty desert, they would have to put me in it, too.Not good enough, Melanie growled.I was des gibeing, more everywhere she was make full with fury.They tried.Trying solves nothing. Jamie fare out not die. They have to go back out.For what purpose? Even if they did make your old antibiotics, what are the chances they would smooth be any good? They only worked half the magazine anyway. Inferior. He doesnt necessitate your medicine. He needs more than that. more or lessthing that really worksMy breathing sped up, dimened as I adage it.He needs mine, I realized.Mel and I were both awestruck by the obviousness of this idea. The simplicity of it.My stone lips bonkers apart. Jamie needs real medicines. The ones the souls have. We need to seduce him those.Doc frowned at me. We dont even know what those things do, how they work.Does it matter? Some of Melanies anger was seeping into my articulation. They do work. They can save him.Jared stared at me. I could feel Ians eyes on me, too, and Kyles, and all the rest in the populate. only if I saw only Jared.We cant get em, Wanda, Jeb said, his tone already one of defeat. Giving up. We can only get into deserted places. thithers always a bunch of your kindly in a hospital. Twenty- quartet hours a day. Too many another(prenominal) eyes. We wont do Jamie any good if we get caught.Sure, Kyle said in a hard voice. The centipedes will be only too happy to bushel his body when they find us here. And make him one of them. Is that what youre after?I turned to glare at the big, sneering man. My body tensed and leaned send. Ian put his hand on my shoulder as if he were retentiveness me back. I didnt think I would have do any aggressive move toward Kyle, but perhaps I was wrong. I was so far from my normal self.When I spoke, my voice was dead even, no inflection. in that location has to be a way.Jared was nodding. Maybe someplace small. The gun would make too much noise, but if there were enough of us to overwhelm them, we could use knives.No. My arms came unfolded, my hands falling open in shock. No. Thats not wh at I meant. Not killing -No one even listened to me. Jeb was arguing with Jared.Theres no way, kid. Somebodyd get a call off to the Seekers. Even if we were in and out, something like that would bring em down on us in force. Wed be hard-pressed to make it out at all. And theyd follow.Wait. Cant you -They still werent listening to me.I dont want the boy to die, either, but we cant risk everyones lives for one person, Kyle said. People die here it happens. We cant get around the bend to save one boy.I wanted to choke him, to cut off his air in localize to stop his calm words. Me, not Melanie. I was the one who wanted to turn his face purple. Melanie felt the akin way, but I could tell how much of the violence came directly from me.We have to save him, I said, louder now.Jeb looked at me. Hon, we cant just walk in there and ask.Right accordingly, another very simple and obvious rightfulness occurred to me.You cant. But I can.The room fell dead silent.I was caught up in the beauty of the programme forming in my head. The perfection of it. I spoke mostly to myself, and to Melanie. She was impressed. This would work. We could save Jamie.They arent suspicious. Not at all. Even if Im a horrible liar, they would never suspect me of anything. They wouldnt be listening for lies. Of course not. Im one of them. They would do anything to help me. Id severalise I got woe hiking or something and then Id find a way to be alone and Id possess as much as I could hide. Think of it I could get enough to heal everyone here. To final stage for years. And Jamie would be fine Why didnt I think of this before? Maybe it wouldnt have been too former(a) even for Walter.I looked up then, with shining eyes. It was just so perfectSo perfect, so short right, so obvious to me, that it took me forever to understand the expressions on their faces. If Kyles had not been so explicit, it capacity have placen me longer.Hatred. Suspicion. Fear.Even Jebs poker face was not enough. His ey es were tight with mistrust.Every face said no.Are they insane? Cant they see how this would help us all?They dont believe me. They think Ill hurt them, hurt JamiePlease, I whispered. Its the only way to save him.Patient, isnt it? Kyle spit. Bided its time well, dont you think?I fought the desire to choke him again.Doc? I begged.He didnt meet my eyes. Even if there was any way we could let you outside, Wanda I just couldnt trust drugs I dont understand. Jamies a tough kid. His system will fight this off.Well go out again, Wanda, Ian murmured. Well find something. We wont come back until we do.Thats not good enough. The tears were pooling in my eyes. I looked to the one person who might possibly be in as much pain as I was. Jared. You know. You know I would never let anything hurt Jamie. You know I can do this. Please.He met my gaze for one long moment. Then he looked around the room, at every other face. Jeb, Doc, Kyle, Ian, Trudy. Out the door at the silent audience whose expressio ns mirrored Kyles Sharon, Violetta, Lucina, Reid, Geoffrey, Heath, Heidi, Andy, Aaron, Wes, Lily, Carol. My friends mixed in with my enemies, all of them wearing Kyles face. He stared at the next row, which I couldnt see. Then he looked down at Jamie. There was no sound of breathing in the whole room.No, Wanda, he said quietly. No.A sigh of relief from the rest.My knees buckled. I fell forward and yanked free of Ians hands when he tried to pull me back up. I crawled to Jamie and pushed Trudy aside with my elbow. The silent room watched. I took the compress from his head and refilled the melted ice. I didnt meet the stares I could feel on my skin. I couldnt see anyway. The tears swam in front of my eyes.Jamie, Jamie, Jamie, I crooned. Jamie, Jamie, Jamie.I couldnt seem to do anything but red cent out his name and touch the packets of ice over and over, waiting for the moment they would need changing.I heard them leave, a hardly a(prenominal) at a time. I heard their voices, mostly angry, fade away down the halls. I couldnt make reek of the words, though.Jamie, Jamie, JamieJamie, Jamie, JamieIan knelt beside me when the room was almost empty.I know you wouldnt but Wanda, theyll kill you if you try, he whispered. After what happened in the hospital. Theyre afraid you have good reason to destroy us Anyway, hell be all right. You have to trust that.I turned my face from him, and he went away.Sorry, kid, Jeb mumbled when he left.Jared left. I didnt hear him go, but I knew when he was gone. That seemed right to me. He didnt love Jamie the way we did. He had proved that. He should go.Doc stayed, watching helplessly. I didnt look at him.The daylight faded slowly, turned orange and then gray. The ice melted and was gone. Jamie started to burn alive under my hands.Jamie, Jamie, Jamie My voice was cracked and hoarse now, but I couldnt stop. Jamie, Jamie, JamieThe room turned black. I couldnt see Jamies face. Would he leave in the night? Had I already seen his face, h is subsisting face, for the last time?His name was just a whisper on my lips now, low enough that I could hear Docs quiet snoring.I wiped the tepid cloth across his body without ceasing. As the water dried, it cooled him a little. The burn lessened. I began to believe that he wouldnt die tonight. But I wouldnt be able to lodge him here forever. He would slip away from me. Tomorrow. The next day. And then I would die, too. I would not live without Jamie.Jamie, Jamie, Jamie Melanie groaned.Jared didnt believe us. The lament was both of ours. We thought it at the same time.It was still silent. I didnt hear anything. Nothing alerted me.Then, suddenly, Doc cried out. The sound was oddly muffled, like he was shouting into a pillow.My eyes couldnt make sense of the shapes in the darkness at first. Doc was jerking strangely. And he seemed too big-like he had too many arms. It was terrifying. I leaned over Jamies inert form, to protect him from whatever was happening. I could not flee whil e he lay helpless. My heart pounded against my ribs.Then the flailing arms were still. Docs snore started up again, louder and thicker than before. He slumped to the like a shot coat, and the shape separated. A secant figure pulled itself away from his and stood in the darkness.Lets go, Jared whispered. We dont have time to waste.My heart nearly exploded.He believes. I jumped to my feet, forcing my uncompromising knees to unbend. What did you do to Doc?Chloroform. It wont last long.I turned quickly and poured the warm water over Jamie, sopping his vestments and the mattress. He didnt stir. Perhaps that would keep him cool until Doc woke up.Follow me.I was on his heels. We moved silently, almost touching, almost running but not quite. Jared hugged the walls, and I did the same.He stop when we reached the light of the moon-bright garden room. It was deserted and still.I could see Jared clearly for the first time. He had the gun slung behind his back and a knife sheathed at his w aist. He held out his hands, and there was a length of dark fabric in them. I understood at once.The whispered words raced out of my mouth. Yes, blindfold me.He nodded, and I unkindly my eyes while he tied the cloth over them. I would keep them nastyd anyway.The knot was quick and tight. When he was done, I spun myself in a fast circle-once, twiceHis hands stopped me. Thats okay, he said. And then he gripped me harder and lifted me off the ground. I gasped in surprise as he threw me against his shoulder. I folded there, my head and chest hanging over his back, beside the gun. His arms held my tholes against his chest, and he was already moving. I bounced as he jogged, my face brushing against his enclothe with each stride.I had no sense of which way we were going I didnt try to hazard or think or feel. I concentrated only on the bouncing of his gait, counting steps. Twenty, twenty-one, twenty-two, twenty-threeI could feel him lean as the path took him down and then up. I trie d not to think about it.Four hundred twelve, four hundred thirteen, four hundred fourteenI knew when we were out. I smelled the dry, clean breeze of the desert. The air was hot, though it had to be close to midnight.He pulled me down and set me on my feet.The ground is flat. Do you think you can run cover?Yes.He grabbed my elbow tightly in his hand and took off, setting a rigorous pace. It wasnt easy. He caught me time and time again before I could fall. I started to get used to it after a while, and I kept my balance better over the tiny pits and rises. We ran until we were both gasping.If we can get to the landrover well be in the clear.The jeep? I felt a strange wave of nostalgia. Mel hadnt seen the jeep since the first leg of that disastrous trip to Chicago, hadnt known it had survived.If we cant? I asked.They catch us theyll kill you. Ians right about that part.I tried to run hot. Not to save my life, but because I was the only one who could save Jamies. I stumbled again.Goin g to take off the blindfold. Youll be faster.You sure?Dont look around. Kay?Promise.He yanked at the knots behind my head. As the fabric fell away from my eyes, I focused them only on the ground at my feet.It made a world of difference. The moonlight was bright, and the sand was very smooth and pale. Jared dropped his arm and broke into a faster stride. I kept up easily now. Distance running was familiar to my body. I settled into my preferent stride. Just over a six-minute mile, Id guess. I couldnt keep up that pace forever, but Id run myself into the ground trying.You hear anything? he asked.I listened. Just two sets of running feet on the sand.No.He grunted in approval.I guessed this was the reason hed stolen the gun. They couldnt stop us from a distance without it.It took about an hour more. I was retard then, and so was he. My mouth burned for water.Id never looked up from the ground, so it startled me when he put his hand over my eyes. I faltered, and he pulled us to a walk. Were okay now. Just aheadHe left his hand over my eyes and tugged me forward. I heard our footsteps echo off something. The desert wasnt as flat here.Get in.His hand disappeared.It was nearly as dark as it was with him covering my eyes. Another cave. Not a deep one. If I turned around, I would be able to see out of it. I didnt turn.The jeep faced into the darkness. It looked just the same as I remembered it, this vehicle I had never seen. I swung myself over the door into the seat.Jared was in his seat already. He leaned over and tied the blindfold over my eyes again. I held still to make it easier.The noise of the engine bell ringered me. It seemed too dangerous. There were so many people who shouldnt find us now.We moved in reverse briefly, and then the wind was blasting my face. There was a funny sound behind the jeep, something that didnt fit Melanies memories.Were going to Tucson, he told me. We never raid there-its too close. But we dont have time for anything else. I know wh ere a small hospital is, not too deep into town.Not Saint Marys?He heard the alarm in my voice. No, why?I know somebody there.He was quiet for a minute. Will you be recognized?No. No one will know my face. We dont have wanted people. Not like you did.Okay.But he had me thinking now, thinking about my appearance. Before I could voice my concerns, he took my hand and folded it around something very small.Keep that close to you.What is it?If they guess that youre with us, if theyre going to put someone else in Mels body, you put that in your mouth and bite down on it hard.Poison?Yes.I thought about that for a moment. And then I laughed I couldnt help it. My steel were frayed with worry.Its not a joke, Wanda, he said angrily. If you cant do it, then I have to take you back.No, no, I can. I tried to get a hold of myself. I know I can. Thats why Im laughing.His voice was harsh. I dont get the joke.Dont you see? For millions of my own kind, Ive never been able to do that. Not for my own c hildren. I was always too afraid to die that final time. But I can do it for one alien child. I laughed again. It doesnt make any sense. Dont worry, though. I can die to protect Jamie.Im believe you to do just that.It was silent for a moment, and then I remembered what I looked like.Jared, I dont look right. For go into a hospital.Weve got better clothes stashed with the less-conspicuous vehicles. Thats where were headed now. About five more minutes.That wasnt what I meant, but he was right. These clothes would never do. I waited to talk to him about the rest. I needed to look at myself first.The jeep stopped, and he pulled off the blindfold.You dont have to keep your eyes down, he told me when my head ducked automatically. Theres nothing here to give us away. Just in case this place was ever discovered.It wasnt a cave. It was a rock slide. A few of the bigger boulders had been carefully excavated, leaving clever dark spaces under them that no one would suspect of hold anything b ut dirt and smaller rocks.The jeep was already lodged in a tight space. I was so close to the rock, I had to climb over the back of the jeep to get out. There was something odd addicted to the bumper-chains and two very dirty tarps, all ragged and torn.Here, Jared said, and led the way to a shadowy gent just a little shorter than he was. He brushed aside a dusty, dirt-colored tarp and strip through a pile hiding behind it. He pulled out a T-shirt, soft and clean, with tags still attached. He ripped those off and threw the shirt to me. Then he dug until he found a pair of khaki knickerbockers. He checked the size, then flipped them to me, too.Put them on.I hesitated for a moment while he waited, admireing what my problem was. I flushed and then turned my back to him. I yanked my ragged shirt over my head and replaced it as quickly as my fumbling fingers could manage.I heard him clear his throat. Oh. Ill, uh, get the car. His footsteps moved away.I stripped off my tattered cutoff sweats and pulled the crisp new pants into place. My shoes were in bad shape, but they werent that noticeable. Besides, comfortable shoes werent always easy to come by. I could pretend I had an attachment to this pair.Another engine came to life, quieter than the jeeps. I turned to see a modest, mundane sedan pull out of a deep shadow under a boulder. Jared got out and set up the tattered tarps from the jeep to this cars rear bumper. Then he drove it to where I stood, and as I saw the heavy tarps wipe the tire tracks from the dirt, I comprehended their purpose.Jared leaned across the seat to open the passenger door. There was a backpack on the seat. It lay flat, empty. I nodded to myself. Yes, this I needed.Lets go.Hold on, I said.I crouched to look at myself in the side mirror.Not good. I flipped my chin-length hair over my cheek, but it wasnt enough. I stirred my cheek and bit my lip.Jared. I cant go in with my face like this. I pointed to the long, jagged scar across my skin.W hat? he demanded.No soul would have a scar like this. They would have had it treated. Theyll wonder where Ive been. Theyll ask questions.His eyes widened and then narrowed. Maybe you should have thought of this before I snuck you out. If we go back now, theyll think it was a ploy for you to learn the way out.Were not going back without medicine for Jamie. My voice was harder than his.His got harder to match it. What do you propose we do, then, Wanda?Ill need a rock. I sighed. Youre going to have to hit me.